I started a new job last week and am working 3 days a week at it, while still working 2 days a week at my old job. Fortunately it's with the same company, but the positions couldn't be more different. I love my new job and I am so grateful for it, but this transitioning and switching back and forth between the two? It's taking a lot out of me. I come home mentally drained. I love learning all of these new things but at the same time it's hard. My brain is going crazy trying to balance new responsibilities with old responsibilities. And this is my excuse. My excuse for being a less than ideal wife.
My husband has mentioned in the past few weeks that I have been distant. I've been out of it. I think the preparing for the new job, starting the new job, combined with the holiday crazies has made me this way. Well, I guess I can't really blame all of that, because when it really comes down to it, it's about me and the way I handle these things. But moving on.
My heart was heavy because of Shawn telling me I had been distant, so I sent him a text (while in the same room as him, mind you) and asked him if he wanted to go upstairs and just spend time together instead of watching TV with my family. I doubt I have to tell you how hard it is to be married in someone else's home, and while we are so entirely grateful that my dad and step mom have let us stay here while we get back on our feet, it's still just hard. We came from our own place and had to move into someone else's. We went from having alone time all the time to hardly ever having alone time. So I was relieved and happy when he headed upstairs after reading my text. Once upstairs? We just laid there and talked. And cuddled. And spent time with one another.
It was so nice to ignore all the worries, responsibilities, and holiday crazies. We took it back to the important stuff. Back to basics, if you will. It reminded me of how we were when we first started dating. I feel like after you are with a person for a while you get in a routine. Loving almost becomes a habit. And while love is certainly something that is important to me and that I'd like to keep constant in my life and in my relationship, a habit is not what I want for my marriage. So now I have this new mission. Love out of intention. Pure and simple love.
So now with Christmas just around the corner, and the New Year following close behind, I want to go ahead and put this out there as my "resolution". Except it's something that I'm going to start with now. I want to take it back to basics in my life. I want to push all the "for show" aside and really remember what first attracted me to my husband, why I first "clicked" with my best friends, and why family really should come first.
3 comments:
You are wise well beyond your years!!! If you keep remembering this, you and Shawn will have a long, and loving lifetime together. I think we all need to be reminded of "the basics"! Thanks Ash! Love ya! Aunt Deb
This is a great post that should be shared with the world. It's so easy to get caught up in the materialistic things during the holiday. The hubs and I have had our moments and we lived with his parents for 7 months (7 months were I was pregnant) and it taught us a lot about each other, but at the end of the day he is my number 1 shoulder to rely on. I need him and he needs me, sometimes you just need to be reminded of how important you are to each other :)
Good post :) We lived with our parents (mine) for 8 months while our house was being built. It was hard. We often had those nights where we just went up to our room and just had to relax. Reconnect. Just us. Talk. Because it's easy to forget how important that is! You are wise ;)
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