Mind Games

I've been thinking up this post for a few weeks now. I guess I didn't even realize what has been happening until I faced my in-laws at Christmas who hadn't seen me in almost 4 months. I had already lost a majority of my weight the last time I saw them, but these last 10ish lbs have really seemed to make a huge difference.

I received the comments "you are tiny," "you are bony" (ahem, totally not bony at all. These curves are staying put.), "you better not lose any more weight" .... yeah those comments. The carefully disguised compliments, if you will. I was taken back a little at first but I realize these comments were not intended to be rude or mean. I did, however, examine my body a little closer in the mirror before getting in the shower (also see: naked).

I searched for these protruding bones and this tiny person they spoke of. Only? She was nowhere to be found. In fact, I realized, when I look in the mirror I don't look any different to myself than I did 34 lbs ago. How can that be? This is when I discovered the Mind Games.

Don't get me wrong, in pictures I see a huge difference. It's all right there laid out for me. I see it. I'm not oblivious. But in the mirror? I see the same person. My body looks no different to me. Losing weight has been a giant mind game to me. When shopping in stores? I think twice before grabbing a size. I think that people around me are judging me to be one of "those" girls who think she's one size when she really should be wearing one or two sizes larger. We all know at least one person like that, am I right?

Bear with me. I feel great in my new body. I am grateful to be a smaller, more healthy person. That's what it's really about to me at this point. I'd rather be healthy than skinny. I've mentioned this before, but I'm not really trying to lose any more weight. My goal now is to get fit, get healthy, get toned. Maybe then I'll see more of a difference in the mirror?

I'm not sure where this post is actually headed. I guess it's just a way for me to get my thoughts out of my head and into words. I guess it's me discovering that losing weight for me isn't only a physical journey but it's also a mental journey. And? It's a journey I'm looking forward to walking in 2012.

Thankful

I started this blog right after I began a gratitude journal back in September. For this Thanksgiving, I want to list the things I have been thankful for on a daily basis over the last couple of months...

Our military, firefighters, police force; Hot showers; Health & safety; The Internet; Borrowing clothes; Future goals that make us work harder; The gym & my desire to live a more healthy lifestyle; Shawn going back to school; My blog - a new outlet for my memories and thoughts; Good haircuts; Finding things you need on sale; Weight Watchers; My counselor; Jeans that fit just right; Friday!; Fall weather; Alone time with Shawn; A good friend's pregnancy; Family nap time; Weekly & activity points so I can splurge; Nice emails from Mom Mom; Warm, soft blankets; Chipotle; The Phillies; Isaac - my snuggle buddy; Free antibiotics from Wegmans; Co-ed softball league; Borrowing instead of buying; Old friends; Zumba; Chocolate milk; Compliments; Dinner dates without phones; Nights alone with our little family; My husband; Weddings & love; The cross-trainer; Steak; Meetings that get me away from my desk at work; Willpower to say no to pastries at the meetings; Good health benefits; Delicious pastries (Note: I like how the very next day I was thankful for the very same pastries that I said no to the day before, hehe); Old pictures & memories, A fresh start each day; My college degree; A flexible boss; Phillies in the playoffs; Jeans day at work; Perfect Fall weather; High school friends; Fleece-lined sweatpants; Lazy days; Giving myself a break from my diet without feeling guilty; Supportive friends; Hair color; Being able to run a mile without stopping (10/6/11); Socks; Goals: 5K in November & Tough Mudder in April; Shawn motivating me; Movies that make you appreciate life; Restaurant.com dates; New clothes; Church; Beautiful days; Running; "She is clothes with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future." Proverbs 31:25; Pinterest; Budget plans; Running 1.5 miles without stopping (10/11/11), Support: both giving & receiving; Up All Night; Rain that cancels softball games when I don't want to play; Self control while shopping; Fiber One Brownies; Supportive WW leader; Weekend plans with friends; Word FM Radio; The reminder to put others first & myself second; Relaxing TV nights; Toms; Happy Adoption Day, Isaac!; New Camelbak water bottle; Fruit; Vick's VapoRub; NyQuil; Cookie/brownie/oreo dessert; 2 lb. weight loss; No weekend plans; My weddings rings - re-sized!; Bahama Breeze; Pizza Bingo at work; Reconnecting with friends; Recipes; New running gear; Peruvian food - El Serrano (thanks Katie!), 3 mile run! (11/13/11); Twitter; Quality time; Confidence about an interview; Getting the job!; God; Supportive "cheerleaders"; My first official 5K (33:50 - 11/19/11); Weight loss compliments, My grandparents.

I know, a long list. And believe it or not I didn't write every day. But what does this tell me? I have a lot to be thankful for. A lot to be grateful for. Silly things, serious things, awesome people.

It is hard to believe that at the beginning of the year Shawn and I both lost our jobs. 11 months later, we have come so far and I am so thankful for everyone and everything that has brought us to where we are today.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family. Enjoy!

Latitude

According to dictionary.com, latitude is defined a couple different ways...

1. Geography .

a. the angular distance north or south from the equator of a point on the earth's surface, measured on the meridian of the point.

b. a place or region as marked by this distance.

2. freedom from narrow restrictions; freedom of action, opinion, etc.

Both of these definitions mean a great deal to me.

I'm a traveler. I'll go anywhere you ask me to go with a smile on my face. One of my favorite places I've ever been is Annapolis, MD.

Downtown Annapolis Sunset

 Annapolis holds many favorable memories for me. It's the first place my husband ever took me on a trip.

One of our first pictures together in June 2007, Annapolis, MD

It's also a place that I've met some wonderful people who have become amazing friends. Annapolis is a different atmosphere and I love the nautical feel and old town appeal. Most of all, it's beautiful. All of the above reasons and more are why Shawn and I consider this one of our favorite places to go.

So one day in 2009 while driving around, we started joking about getting "matching" tattoos. We quickly nixed getting names or dates but still wanted to do something meaningful. We decided on the latitude & longitude of Annapolis, MD.

His ribs

My foot (needs retouching, don't judge)

The second definition of latitude goes deeper than a place and numerical coordinates. Freedom. To me, this means freedom to be who we are truly capable of being and accepting who we truly are. Letting go of the restrictions that hold us back whether they be physical, mental, emotional, whatever. Sometimes our latitude is where we need the most help. It's where we're slacking but have the ability to better ourselves. It's also where we recognize our shortcomings and accept ourselves for who we really are, flaws and all.

Both definitions of latitude include a journey and a destination. One is physical while the other is more spiritual. Both of these are important in my life and I'm grateful for all of my "travels" whether they be external or internal.

What does latitude mean to you? Have you ever thought about it as the second definition?