Mind Games

I've been thinking up this post for a few weeks now. I guess I didn't even realize what has been happening until I faced my in-laws at Christmas who hadn't seen me in almost 4 months. I had already lost a majority of my weight the last time I saw them, but these last 10ish lbs have really seemed to make a huge difference.

I received the comments "you are tiny," "you are bony" (ahem, totally not bony at all. These curves are staying put.), "you better not lose any more weight" .... yeah those comments. The carefully disguised compliments, if you will. I was taken back a little at first but I realize these comments were not intended to be rude or mean. I did, however, examine my body a little closer in the mirror before getting in the shower (also see: naked).

I searched for these protruding bones and this tiny person they spoke of. Only? She was nowhere to be found. In fact, I realized, when I look in the mirror I don't look any different to myself than I did 34 lbs ago. How can that be? This is when I discovered the Mind Games.

Don't get me wrong, in pictures I see a huge difference. It's all right there laid out for me. I see it. I'm not oblivious. But in the mirror? I see the same person. My body looks no different to me. Losing weight has been a giant mind game to me. When shopping in stores? I think twice before grabbing a size. I think that people around me are judging me to be one of "those" girls who think she's one size when she really should be wearing one or two sizes larger. We all know at least one person like that, am I right?

Bear with me. I feel great in my new body. I am grateful to be a smaller, more healthy person. That's what it's really about to me at this point. I'd rather be healthy than skinny. I've mentioned this before, but I'm not really trying to lose any more weight. My goal now is to get fit, get healthy, get toned. Maybe then I'll see more of a difference in the mirror?

I'm not sure where this post is actually headed. I guess it's just a way for me to get my thoughts out of my head and into words. I guess it's me discovering that losing weight for me isn't only a physical journey but it's also a mental journey. And? It's a journey I'm looking forward to walking in 2012.

Milestones

Last week was a week of milestones for me. As some of you know, I have been a member of Weight Watchers since March. When I started? I had 30 lbs to lose. THIRTY. I'm only 5'2" so that? Is a whole lot. Or, it was a lot. Because this past Thursday I hit my final weight loss goal of 30 lbs! I also bought a pair of pants 3-4 sizes smaller than I was wearing in March. A size I haven't seen since high school. But it was certainly nice to welcome my old friend back. And this time I'm going to try and keep in touch a little better.

When I started in March many people (including myself) lied said I didn't need to lose 30 lbs. and that I would appear waif-like if I did. Maybe they truly believed it at the time. Maybe they were just trying to make me feel better. Heck, even I couldn't imagine myself 30 lbs lighter. But now that it's gone? And I look back at old pictures? Yeah. It needed to go. Take a look for yourself. (Disclaimer: I did not take "official" before/after pictures. I wish I did. So if you're on a weight loss journey? DO IT! You will thank yourself later!)

Before: 167 lbs.

After: 137 lbs.

There it is. I guess as the saying goes, the proof is in the pudding. So a big thanks and shout out to Weight Watchers*. I am now on the 6 week maintenance plan and as long as I weigh in within 2 lbs of my goal weight for those 6 weeks, I become a Lifetime Member. Which means I get to go for free... win!

My next goal? Tone it up. I mentioned I had started running a few weeks ago. My training is going well and I enter my first "official" 5K this upcoming Saturday. After that... who knows. I'm not stopping there. Only time will tell.

*I am not being paid or endorsed or anything by Weight Watchers. I am just a happy, satisfied customer. That is all. It works. If you are considering a weight loss plan, I strongly and highly recommend Weight Watchers.